Wow. Marian Gaborik’s agent decided to address what he calls the misconceptions about Gaborik’s contract demands. I suspect this is the list of alleged demands he’s talking about:

• $8 million year/35 years
• Gaborik’s own personal uniform (must be yellow!)
• Gaborik has use of Zamboni when not being used for games
• Wild coach Jacques Lemaire can no longer tell Gaborik when to leave and jump on the ice
• Wild change their name to Minnesota Gabba Gabba Gaboriks (name negotiable)
• Gaborik allowed to play against Pee Wee teams between periods; goals count toward Gaborik’s NHL stats.